How to Make a Bad Idea Worse: Part I
by angelically-devilish
Summary: FULL TITLE: HOW TO MAKE A BAD IDEA WORSE: MOTORCYCLES, WHISKEY, AND KARAOKE. Just part one in what I hope to be a series of sexy misadventures between Hermione and Sirius. Smutty, smutty fun ahead, do not read if you are not of Muggle age! R&R PLEASE!


DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with the true owners of the Harry Potter franchise, and if they were to ever stumble upon this piece of fiction I feel there would be much blushing and possible disapproval at the manhandling (hehe) of the characters. I mean no disrespect. I only like to play with them...and have them play with each other. :)

SUMMARY: Sexy little oneshot with Sirius Black and Hermione Granger. Smutty, smutty goodness ahead, so if you're not old enough, change the channel!

A/N: So, I realized while writing my RL/HG long fic (_The Wolf and Little Red: A Hogwarts Love Story_ - check it out if you haven't read it!) that I really, _really_ wanted to write one for Sirius, because...well...the man is SEXY! I also promised writers of a threesome (RL/HG/SB) and that is on its way, but I just wanted to put this up first. This is going to be the first in a series I'm entitling _How to Make a Bad Idea Worse_ that will involve Sirius and Hermione making all sorts of sexual mischief. If you like this, and think I should continue the series of smutty one-shots, let me know!

**How to Make a Bad Idea Worse: Motorcycles, Whiskey, and Karaoke**

The Burrow was never quiet.

Hermione Granger had spent enough time there during her youth and adolescence to know that no matter what, the Burrow was never quiet. Whether it was Ginny listening to the wizard wireless as loudly as can be humanly (but not necessarily _humanely_) endured, or mysterious explosions coming from the twins' room, or Ron's loud rants about one of the many things his poor Chudley Cannons had done wrong, or Mrs. Weasley screaming ironically at all of them to shut up, there was never a moment of peace and serenity. Someone was always doing something.

That fact and that fact alone made Hermione very aware, one hot summer day, of her solitude in the backyard of the Burrow. It was one of those rare moments she had found during the chaotic weekends to sit outside in the bright sunlight and let her skin soak up some much-needed color. Being locked away doing research at the Ministry was hardly conducive to her natural need for sun. She had fallen asleep, an egg timer next to her so she could flip over for an all-around tan, and when the timer had gone off and she had flipped from her back to her stomach, she suddenly became aware that, for the first time in her life, the Burrow was quiet.

She thought back to the snippets the inhabitants had thrown her way over the past few hours she had been laying there and tabulated a list.

_Mr. Weasley – work. _As the new Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, he was the busiest out of all the departments as the Aurors continued to bring in Death Eaters, even though it had been nearly five years since Harry had defeated Voldemort.

_Mrs. Weasley – shopping._ Hermione vaguely remembered her saying she would be back in time to make supper.

_Ron, Harry, Ginny, Luna – mini-break in Spain_. Hermione was fairly certain Harry was going to propose to Ginny while they were down there. She only hoped Ron wouldn't mess it up for them.

_The twins – Diagon Alley_. Hermione smirked as she remembered how they had nearly been run out of the house after Mrs. Weasley caught them experimenting in their old room instead of their flat above their joke shop in London. Apparently, they still hadn't come to terms with the fact that if they messed something up in their own flat, they would be the ones that had to clean it up.

_Bill, Charlie, Percy – Cornwall, Romania, and London, respectively_. Bill was at Shell Cottage with Fleur, Charlie with his dragons, and Percy still kept his flat in London. Even though he was back on good terms with his family, Hermione knew Percy would never move back in.

So she was all alone at the Burrow. It seemed unprecedented and she almost didn't know what to do with herself. Then a slow smile crossed her lips. 'Actually,' she thought wickedly. 'I know _exactly_ what to do.' Looking around, she unsnapped her bra and threw it to the side. Mrs. Weasley was sure to be the next one back, and always the object of decency and decorum, she would remind Hermione to put the top back on. Hermione knew the older woman had enough trouble with Hermione, Ginny, and Luna sunbathing in their underwear to begin with.

Setting the egg timer again, she made sure her hair had stayed in the clip and away from her neck before putting her head back down to enjoy the peace, quiet, and solitude.

"Nice tits, Granger."

Or not.

Hermione looked lazily up at the tall, masculine figure that was leering over her and blocking the sun. Not a particularly modest woman, Hermione did not blush over his scrutiny. She merely glanced at him, seeing him holding her bra in amusement, and extended her hand to him.

"Good afternoon, Sirius," she said calmly, taking the bra from him and slipping it on before sitting up.

He grinned.

"Miss Granger," he said, politely inclining his head.

She rolled her eyes.

"No one's here, so why don't you leave a message with me and I'll make sure whatever kind soul you're here to annoy knows that they escaped that fate."

He pouted mockingly.

"Ice woman," he said, though he let his eyes roam her body. "Damn, Granger, with a body like yours it's amazing Ron's still with that loopy tart."

She sighed, debating whether she wanted to waste her breath defending Luna to Sirius. She decided the impending argument wasn't worth it.

"Eloquent as always, Mr. Black," she simply said. "Now, may I help you, or are you simply here because I've drawn the shortest stick and it's somehow my day to look after you?"

He smirked arrogantly.

"You know, if I didn't just have the most amazing mental photograph of your luscious breasts, I would be very upset by your reaction to my presence. But as you, like most women, are undoubtedly attracted to me, I find myself not the least bit riled." There was a teasing tone to his voice as even _she_ knew he wasn't _quite_ that egocentric, but she was slightly unnerved by the grain of truth in his mocking accusation.

"I'm glad you enjoyed the view. Now, what can I do for you?"

She ignored the gleam of mischief in his eye.

"Well, I was just down in Diagon Alley with Remus and we bumped into the twins. _Apparently_ they found this fantastic little Muggle pub and they invited Remus and me to join them tonight. The trouble is," he said, sitting next to her on the lounge chair unbidden. "I would be the only one there without a date. Now, normally this wouldn't be an issue but they seem quite insistent that this is a 'come with a date or don't come at all' type thing and so I would like to know if you would be interested in accompanying me?"

He gave her a puppy dog look and his bright silver-green eyes looked pleadingly at her.

She rolled her eyes.

"My God, you _must_ be desperate if you're asking _me_ to go. Don't you have some vacuous blonde you can string along?"

He sighed dramatically.

"I do, but apparently the twins weren't quite keen on the idea of my bringing someone who cannot hold a proper conversation."

"I suppose they don't realize that holding a conversation is not high on your list of favorable qualities in a witch you're dating, hmm?" she asked, languidly swinging her legs back onto the chair and kicking him off unceremoniously in the process.

"God, woman, you could drive any man insane," he mumbled, rubbing his rear from where he had landed on the ground.

"I suppose you'll be revoking your invitation, then?" she asked.

"It's tempting," he said. "But I really must insist that you accept me."

She laughed.

"Well, since you're _insisting_…" she said sarcastically. Then she sighed. "It'll be nice to see Remus and Tonks again and alone for a change. They've been so busy with Teddy that it's almost as if they've fallen out of touch with _civilized_ society." A smile played on her face at the Malfoy-esque quality her last sentence had. "What time are you picking me up?"

"Picking you up?"

She glanced at him.

"I can't very well apparate to a place I've never been, can I?" she asked.

"Oh, right. Um…I'll come 'round about 7, yeah? The twins said the food alone is worth it so they'll be wanting us to dine with them."

She sighed.

"You sound like Ron. Alright, I'll be ready at 7," she said, and she waved her hand as if to signal the end of the discussion.

She didn't catch his frustrated look as he apparated back to Grimmauld Place.

***

"Damn witch! And shut up, you crazy old hag!"

Remus and Tonks looked at each other over their mugs of tea as Sirius's voice echoed through the house, closely followed by Mrs. Black's screams of mutiny. Sitting in the kitchen, they listened to their friend curse loudly as he shut the curtains over his mother's portrait before storming into the kitchen where they waited.

"Bloody…portrait…crazy old loon…" Sirius mumbled, obviously not noticing the couple as he walked straight over to the liquor cabinet.

"Bit early for that, don't you think, Padfoot?" Remus asked calmly as Sirius went to grab a bottle of firewhiskey.

Sirius groaned, dropping his hand and turning to his friends with a pained expression.

"I'm going to be spending the evening with you two, a pair of mischievous twins, and a swotty little know-it-all. I think that calls for some type of inebriation," he said.

Remus chuckled.

"I don't know why you thought it would be easy to get Hermione to agree to come with us tonight. She's not really known for being particularly social."

"Now that's not fair," Tonks said kindly. "Hermione's very social. She just works very hard and she likes her solitude when she can get it."

"Dunno why I agreed to ask her," Sirius said darkly. "Coulda come out by myself and woulda been fine."

"Oh come on, Sirius. You know you would have been uncomfortable being the only one there without a date," Tonks said reasonably. "Plus, you heard the twins. Couples only, and no blondes."

"Marianne isn't a blonde! And neither is Kathleen," he said. "But the twins refused to let me bring either of them!"

"Well, I suppose it might have to do with the fact that Kathleen invented that little nickname for the twins because she can never tell the apart," Tonks said, grinning at the memory of the look on Fred and George's face when Sirius's leggy, Irish girlfriend called them "Frorge."

"And also possibly the fact that Marianne graduated from school yesterday," Remus added, arching his eyebrow at his friend. Marianne, Sirius's French girlfriend, was just barely seventeen and very much a product of her age. While Sirius insisted she was a very _mature_ seventeen year old, Remus and Tonks were unconvinced when Marianne met them with a bored look on her face as she chewed a piece of Muggle chewing gum.

"Fine. But couldn't you have come up with someone better than _Hermione Granger_?" Sirius asked, slouching in a chair.

"Could you? Honestly, Sirius, are you frustrated because you have to bring Hermione, or are you frustrated because you know you can't have her?" Remus asked.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but it was no use. His friends knew him too well for that.

"I could have her if I wanted," he mumbled.

Tonks laughed.

"I daresay you could, cousin dearest," she said soothingly. He couldn't help but find it slightly patronizing. "Remus, darling, I'm going to go and make sure Mum's ok with Teddy tonight. I'll meet you at the house," she said, standing and giving her husband a kiss before walking out of the room.

When Sirius was sure Tonks was gone, he walked over to his friend.

"She was sunbathing topless when I got there," he said quietly. "It was all I could do to keep my hands off her."

Remus looked amused.

"She is a good-looking young witch, Sirius. You could do much, _much_ worse."

"But she's just so…so…"

Remus smiled.

"She's clever. And you're not used to that."

"She's a smartass."

"True."

"And she always has something to say."

"Also true."

"And the way those lips of hers move makes you just want to…"

"Sirius," Remus warned, not really wanting to hear about his friend's intimate fantasies involving his former student, no matter how attractive she had gotten.

Sirius sighed.

"You know, this never would have happened if I hadn't died."

Remus thought that was an interesting way to look at it. It was true that in the two years Sirius had been stuck in the veil, Hermione had grown up and into the young woman that had released him as her consistent research and unending optimism had finally freed him from the archway. He had stumbled right into her arms and they had picked up right where they had left off as he demanded to know where Harry was before he had even thanked her for liberating him. She had responded with something along the lines of calling him an ungrateful git, and their love/hate relationship had solidified.

Remus knew it was just burning sexual tension, but found it amusing nonetheless.

"Listen, Dora's going to be waiting for me at home. We'll see you tonight, alright?"

"Yeah," Sirius said glumly.

Remus chuckled.

"Come on, Sirius. At the very least, you'll be able to spend some time with the twins and me. I know I've been the one who's been missing in action, as it were, but it would still be nice to spend time with friends. And I do enjoy Hermione's company."

"Yeah, well…I make no promises that I'll enjoy myself," Sirius said.

"Ten galleons says you do," Remus said, patting his friend on the back before walking out of the kitchen.

Sirius sighed.

"That's one bet you're going to lose, Moony," he said before shoving his hands into his pockets and walking up the stairs.

***

"No bloody way."

"Hermione…"

"Look at me, Sirius. I. Don't. Fly."

"It's a motorcycle. It's not like you have to balance on a broom."

"What part of 'no' didn't you understand?"

Sirius sighed, running his hands through his hair in utter frustration. How that slip of a girl was able to get his blood pumping was beyond him. She was infuriating. She stood there, exuding sex with her outfit but her defiant little mouth was making him wish he hadn't bumped into Fred and George at all. This was becoming more trouble than it was worth.

When she had walked out of the Burrow to meet him, his heart had started racing. Of course, being Hermione, she hadn't intended to exude the sexiness and by his standards she was dressed fairly conservatively. It was just that damn jean skirt. It sat on her hips and hugged her curves so well it seemed like the denim was just an extension of her silky golden skin. Her white tank top contrasted beautifully with her tan. And her legs…well…'leggy' would never have been a word he would use to describe Hermione but in those heels the toned limbs seemed to go for days. Her hair was down and curled over her shoulders and she wore such a small amount of make-up that Sirius briefly wondered why he had preferred the painted dolls he usually spent time with to her.

Then she opened her mouth.

"Hermione, my dear," Sirius said, trying to summon every ounce of patience that he possessed. "As you pointed out earlier this afternoon, it is very difficult to apparate to a place we're not familiar with. We cannot floo there, as it is a Muggle pub. Now, what other mode of transportation do you suggest?"

He had countered her with logic and found her unable to argue. She merely pursed her lips in a way that reminded him distinctly of Professor McGonagall and stalked back into the Burrow to grab her jacket.

Sirius leaned against his motorbike, rubbing his face with his hands. She drove him crazy. She looked like a sex kitten, moved with the agile grace of a jungle cat, and her eyes flashed a womanly fire that made his knees weak. But she was so bloody stubborn! He tried to ignore the calm voice in his head (which sounded annoyingly like a certain werewolf acquaintance of his) that stated the only reason he was getting so worked up about Hermione was because she was just like him.

"And no one loves Sirius Black more than Sirius Black," Remus had often said to him.

Though Sirius found his friend's assessment slightly unfair, he did have to admit that there were certain similarities between him and the nubile young witch who had suddenly sashayed into every corner of his mind. They were both ferociously independent with above-average intelligence and a penchant for mischief. She had no plans to settle down and was fiercely ambitious. He had no plans to settle down either, and had he not been wrongly convicted of a crime and sentenced to exist in the equivalent of wizard hell for twelve years, he probably would have joined the Ministry too. As it were, he had enough money to live on for several lifetimes, so he just enjoyed his autonomy.

"I swear, Sirius, if you do any tricks or flips or anything, I will make damn sure the Black family tree ends with you," Hermione said darkly as she reemerged from the Burrow, a zip-up, hooded jacket covering her gold-toned shoulders. Looking up at him, her breath caught in her throat and she almost tripped over the ridiculously high heels she had borrowed from Ginny's closet.

The sun was setting behind him, and the last rays caught in his shaggy black hair, the silky curls glinting ebony. His gray-green eyes flashed with impatience, making his angled aristocratic features all the more enticing. His lean, toned body was casually clothed, and though Hermione very rarely made note of men's fashion she couldn't help but decide that his style highlighted his roguish good looks. Though the jeans were nondescript, they hung gracefully on his slim hips, held up by a leather belt, and seemed to cling to every one of his thigh muscles before swelling to a slight boot cut for his dark suede boots. His muscular biceps rippled through the thin gray vintage t-shirt he wore and she couldn't help but grin slightly as his old leather jacket was slung over his arm.

"See something you like, Granger?" he asked amusedly.

She blinked out of her reverie, but was unblushing as she shrugged.

"Not particularly. I was admiring your fashion sense. Not many men know how to wear a pair of jeans," she said, and he growled silently at her calm demeanor. He wondered if anything in the world could make her rise to the bait of his subtle seduction.

Sliding his jacket on, he watched as she examined the bike and rolled his eyes as her brow furrowed in slight contemplation. He lifted her into his arms, causing her to squeal in surprise, and dropped her gracelessly on it. He tried to ignore how her stance astride the powerful machine made her skirt hike up her legs just a bit more than appropriate.

"Was that really necessary?" she asked as he threw his leg over and settled behind her.

"No, but it appeased the vindictive teenager inside of me," he replied, starting the engine. "No one insults my bike."

"I wasn't insulting it," she said but her voice was suddenly softer and he became conscious of the fear that was radiating through her body. Wrapping his arms around her to grab the handlebars, he tried to control himself as he pulled up flush against her.

"Don't worry, kitten," he whispered. "I won't let you fall."

With a roar of the engine, they started to climb. She let out a yelp and grabbed his forearms, her nails digging into his flesh. He gritted his teeth, reminding himself to chastise her later for the momentary flash of pain.

Fred had told him the pub was in a town outside Brighton, so Sirius headed south, keeping an eye on the compass that sat next to the unnecessary speedometer. He pulled them up into cloud cover so they would be away from the watchful eye of curious Muggles and soon they were flying over small hamlets as lights started to twinkle from the houses below.

He noticed that she had calmed from the take-off, but there was something odd about the stillness of her body. She had wrapped her legs behind his for balance, but the muscles of her thighs and calf were still drawn taut. Her small hands still gripped his forearms, though her nails weren't digging into his skin so much as _dragging across_ his skin. He glanced at her and his heart skipped a beat.

She was flushed. Her eyes were closed. Her head was tilted back, and a small moan played on her lips. Momentarily bewildered by her actions, the bike dipped dangerously from his lack of concentration, and he roared it back up. As the engine rumbled beneath them, he heard her cry of surprise before her cheeks turned a deeper red and her eyelashes fluttered closed again.

He smirked.

Leaning into her body, he pressed the throttle again, revving the engine hard. She gripped his arms and he watched her chest start to heave. He did it again, dipping and weaving slightly, and she gave short pants. He saw her nipples harden through the thin material of her jacket.

"Sirius…" she hissed, moving one of her hands from his forearm to grip his thigh. He could feel the heat of her skin through the denim and he didn't deny that the fact he was flying with a panting, aroused Hermione made his jeans feel very tight.

He revved the engine a few more times before he started to descend, noticing the dark black of the ocean quickly approaching them. Brighton was just beneath so the small town wasn't much farther. As much as he wanted to keep playing this game with her he knew that if they didn't arrive soon their companions would start to get worried, and it wouldn't do for them to alert everyone at the Burrow that he had whisked away their favorite witch and then failed to deliver her to where she was supposed to be.

She was close to her peak anyway and as they descended, he revved the engine a few more times as she tilted her head back, allowing him a fantastic view of her glorious neck and an enticing glimpse of the gorgeous breasts he had seen earlier that day. Her grip on his thigh and arm tightened and he knew from the way her face tensed and then relaxed that she had cum right there in front of him.

It took every ounce of self-control for _him_ not to cum at the sight of her.

Somehow he managed to land the bike in a field away from prying eyes and he decided to cut the engine and let them sit there to calm down. Once the engine was killed, however, she spun around to face him and his erection twitched at the sight of the lustful fire that filled her hungry eyes. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards her, catching his lips in a searing, passionate kiss.

When she pulled away, she slapped him.

Hard.

"What the hell?!" he cried, holding his cheek. It was a very odd feeling, being both aroused and incensed by the woman who was, for all intents and purposes, sitting in his lap.

"You did that on purpose," she said, her voice slightly huskier than normal, causing a thrill to shoot up his spine.

"And so that gives you the right to manhandle me?"

Her jaw tensed.

"Don't do it again," she warned before turning back towards the front again and waiting for him to start the engine.

"Wait a minute," he said, turning her back around to face him. "You think you can just kiss me and then slap me and I'll let you get away with it without an argument?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"I'll admit the kiss was a bad idea," she said. "But honestly, Sirius, you deserved the slap."

"How did I deserve…"

"You know what you did."

Her voice was low, dangerous, and his breath caught in his throat. He had never seen this side of Hermione before. She was sexy and domineering and she had just had an orgasm in mid-air on _his_ motorbike but she wasn't ashamed of it.

"Hermione…" he whispered, leaning in to catch her lips but she pulled back.

"The first kiss was a bad idea, Sirius. Let's not make the matter worse," she said before turning back.

His nostrils flared. He was not used to rejection. It didn't happen often and when it did it hardly mattered because the women who rejected him were not usually the ones he took much energy trying to impress to begin with. But to be rejected by _her_…it made his body ache even more for her.

He started the bike again, revving the engine extra hard as they leapt forward, though they stayed grounded and weaved onto the dirt road that led into the tiny village. She seemed to be more comfortable now they were on the ground and she relaxed into his strong body. He gave a small hiss.

Bloody tease.

They pulled into the car park of the pub and Hermione jumped off the bike first, straightening her skirt and fixing her wind-blown hair. Sirius, in a foul mood and his erection bulging against his jeans, stood up and looked at her as she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"I think you might want to take care of that before Fred and George say something," she said simply, nodding to his lap before starting to walk towards the pub. He growled, stalking after her with every intention of grabbing her sexy little bottom and throwing her against the brick wall but he was intercepted by Fred and George and their significant others, Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell.

"Hello!" Fred said with a smile, clapping the older man on the back. "Find the place alright?"

"Yeah, fine," Sirius said dully. Hermione pretended not to notice his glance at her as she smiled radiantly at the twins.

"I saw what happened with your mum this morning," she teased, hugging them. "I suppose you'll think twice before you sneak back in to experiment."

George chuckled.

"Nah…we'll just wait until Ron and Ginny get back so they can warn us when she's approaching," he replied.

"Since _someone_ won't play spy," Fred added, rolling his eyes at the girl who had quickly become like a second younger sister.

"Oh no. I'm staying at the Burrow under your mother's good graces, and I don't intend on ruining my reputation by helping you two make mischief," Hermione said before turning to their dates and hugging them.

"I can think of other things that will ruin her reputation with Mum," Fred murmured to Sirius.

"Yeah…don't think it's polite to mention, though," George added, though his eyes skimmed appreciatively up and down the young woman.

"Bloody beautiful night that was though, remember George?"

"Indeed..."

"Are either of you going to elaborate or should I just use my overactive imagination?" Sirius snapped.

Fred glanced at him, his eyebrow arched.

"Rough flight?" he asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

When Sirius didn't answer, George chuckled.

"She's a killer, that Granger. Never knew exactly when she became a wanton little minx but somewhere around our final year we got to thinking that there was a little bit more than just book knowledge beneath those curls of hers. So Fred managed to scare up some firewhiskey and we had a very interesting night in the Room of Requirement playing 20 Questions."

Fred smirked mischievously.

"She's also quite a singer when provoked. And did I mention they're doing karaoke tonight?"

The twins flashed identical grins before walking over to the girls, who were talking to the newly-arrived Remus and Tonks. Sirius, stuffing his hands in his pockets, followed silently.

Remus looked at his friend and knew immediately that something was up. Too tactful to express his concern in front of Fred and George, he waited until they entered the pub and were seated before offering to order the drinks from the bar and unceremoniously dragging Sirius with him.

"What is wrong with you?" Remus asked.

"Nothing," Sirius replied.

Remus arched an eyebrow.

"Fifteen minutes on a motorcycle with Hermione pressed into your body and nothing's wrong with you?"

Sirius gave his friend a withering look, getting extremely frustrated that Remus was able to read him so well.

He described what had happened in the air and Remus's eyebrows shot into his bangs. A slow smirk spread across his face, however, when Sirius described the reaction on the ground.

"Well, one thing's certain, Padfoot," Remus said with a grin. "She definitely knows how to press your buttons."

Sirius simply glared before taking a shot of regular whiskey and grimacing. Muggles really needed to discover firewhiskey.

***

The twins hadn't exaggerated about the food and once their dinner plates had been cleared, both Sirius and Hermione were in brighter spirits. It also helped that, upon the discovery that the wine in the pub was worse than anything he had ever tasted, Sirius had bought several bottles of whiskey and everyone had partaken in mocking the Muggle distillers while imbibing the lackluster product.

"Oh, look, they're starting," Fred said as a plump Muggle woman wearing far too much make-up and a dress two sizes too small for her stepped up onto a make-shift platform at the back of the pub, grabbing the microphone off the stand.

"'Ello everyone," she said cheerfully, receiving a smattering of applause from the local patrons. "We're gonna start the karaoke now, so take a look at the song books up here, write your song on one of our slips of papers, and hand it to me. I'll call your name and you can come up and sing to your heart's content. Cheers!" And she scrambled over to the small table at the side which held some less-than-modern sound equipment.

"Right," George said, leaning forward and rubbing his hands together, eyes gleaming. "Who's up first, eh?"

"Actually, George, Remus and I have got to be going," Tonks said, looking at her watch.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on! Teddy's at Andromeda's for the night, so what's the issue?"

"The issue, Padfoot old friend, is that Dora and I haven't been able to make love as often as we'd like with a child underfoot, and so we're going home to take advantage of the empty house. Does that meet with your approval?" Lupin said matter-of-factly.

Hermione nearly choked on her whiskey.

"Professor!" she cried in surprise.

He shot her a grin.

"I don't know it it's safe to tell you this, 'Mione, but I haven't been your professor for almost ten years now," he said. "And even if I was, you're smart enough to know that professors are humans too and we need a good shag just as much as the next person."

Sirius was certain his friend wouldn't have been quite so candid with his former student had he not been under the enticing effects of what was slowly becoming palatable alcohol. Hermione, however, grinned wickedly at the couple.

"I wouldn't mind having a godchild of my own, you know," she said. "And I'm sure Teddy would just _love _a baby brother or sister." She grinned at Tonks' scandalized look. "Just planting the seed is all," she added.

"And I'm sure that's what Remus wants to do, eh Lupin?" George guffawed.

Katie smacked him soundly as Lupin chuckled.

"Good night, children," he said before flicking his eyes to Sirius and nodding.

"Good night, Moony. Good night, Tonks," Sirius said, throwing his cousin a wink.

She blushed crimson but let herself be led away by Lupin's impatient tug. Fred chuckled before turning back to the remaining members of the dinner group.

"Alright, first victim…I mean, _volunteer_…gets a free drink on us," he said.

"They're all Muggle songs," Hermione said. "Do _you_ listen to Muggle music?"

"Absolutely. All the time," George said. "Fred and I have a…whatdayacallit...ray-dee-oh. We put it on in the shop all the time. The girls think it's fantastic, especially the Muggle-borns."

Katie looked at him.

"And since when are _you_ paying attention to other girls?" she asked haughtily.

"I'm running a business, love," George said soothingly to his girlfriend. "Someone as handsome as me has to remain visibly unattached but infuriatingly unattainable."

"Yeah. The girls find his modesty dead sexy," Fred added, but kept quiet as a glance from Angelina told him that she wasn't impressed by his innocent flirtations with other women either.

"Well, I know a few Muggle songs from back in the day," Sirius said with a grin. "But it would take a lot more whiskey for me to get up there and attempt to sing one of them."

"I suppose that just leaves you, Granger," George said. "Why don't you go up there? I think out of all of us, you're the best singer."

"Oh no, George Weasley, flattery will get you nowhere," she said with a laugh. "I wouldn't get up there if you paid me a thousand galleons."

"Come on, 'Mione," Fred whined. "It's boring coming to karaoke and watching a bunch of strangers sing. Please?" He pouted and she laughed again.

"No way."

"Tell you what," Sirius said with a smirk. "You go up there and sing and I won't tell Molly what you were doing in the garden this afternoon."

Hermione shot him a glare.

"Hang on a tick," George said, looking curious. "What _were_ you doing in the garden this afternoon, Hermione?"

"Yeah. Inquiring minds want to know," Fred added, his arched eyebrow matching his twin's.

"I was sunbathing," she said, but she did not elaborate so Sirius cleared his throat.

"She was sunbathing…topless," he clarified and she looked like she wanted to hex the bejesus out of him.

"Oh…Mum's not going to like that. Not at all," George said gravely, shaking his head.

"And, being her sons, it _is_ our duty to inform her of unsavory behavior occurring in her house," Fred added with a solemn nod.

Hermione looked at Angelina and Katie for assistance, but if the two actually knew how to control their boyfriends, they didn't share their tactics. They both just shrugged and gave her a look that read "Might as well," which made her very cross. Turning back to the twins, she gave a resigned sigh and nodded wordlessly.

"Fantastic. I'll go get you a book so you can look it over," Fred said before hopping up and walking over to the table where the song books sat.

"You. Come with me. Now," Hermione said to Sirius, grabbing his bicep and yanking him to his feet. He had to admire the strength for someone so petite.

She dragged him out to the front of the pub, passing the group of middle-aged men who were smoking and talking at the entrance. Sirius shot them all looks as the paused their conversation to whistle appreciatively at her. If any pervy middle-aged man was going to leer at Hermione, it would be him.

She rounded on him when they were out of earshot and the Muggle men had gone back to talking amongst themselves.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she almost shouted. "What could I have _possibly_ done to you that would cause you to willingly submit me to open humiliation?"

He looked at her questioningly.

"Hermione Granger…do I detect fear in your voice?" he teased.

"No," she said quickly and she blushed slightly as she knew she had been caught. "I just don't like to sing in public."

"You didn't seem to have a problem singing for Fred and George."

She gave him a withering look.

"We were drinking in the Room of Requirement, and it wasn't like I was _alone_ with them. Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, and Luna were there too."

"Sounds like a crowd to me."

"Yes, but not of total _strangers_!"

He rolled his eyes.

"Oh Hermione, who cares? Are you ever going to see these people again?"

"I…it's just…oh!" She stamped her foot, her face slightly flushed. "You're infuriating."

He took a step towards her.

"I know," he whispered, his lips closing in on hers. "Perhaps you should punish me."

A slow, mischievous smirk crossed her lips as she pulled back from his lips.

"Perhaps I should, Sirius," she said seductively and spun around, walking back toward the pub. The men looked at her again and as one of them said something to her, she smiled and winked at the man before walking into the pub.

Sirius felt as though steam was escaping from his ears and he stalked back to the entrance. One of the men tapped him on the shoulder.

"S'that your bird, mate?" he asked, slurring slightly.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"'Cause she's a tasty little crumpet," another said. "And if she was, I just wanted to congratulate you on a job well done."

"Well, she's not. But you're all old enough to be her father, so back off, alright?"

"Yeah yeah, no need to be jealous, mate. Just looking. Got me own bird inside."

Sirius walked in just in time to see Hermione submitting a small slip of paper to the lady DJ and walking back to the table. One of the twins said something funny as she sat down and she laughed, her head dipping back so once again he had a great glimpse of her throat and breasts.

He didn't know whether anyone else had noticed that Hermione wasn't wearing a bra.

As they waited for Hermione's song to come up, Sirius couldn't help but notice her making eyes with the good-looking young Muggle bartender on the other side of the pub. Once or twice he had caught her glancing at him and when Sirius looked at the bartender, he saw the young man equally as entranced by her.

"I think I'll go get some water," she said after a few minutes of silent flirting that was making Sirius more and more furious. "You know, clear my throat."

"But you have half a glass of water in front of you," George said confusedly, but was stopped by another sharp slap from Katie, who nodded to the bartender.

Fred caught the look on Sirius's face and chuckled.

"Oh, someone isn't happy about that," he muttered.

"Don't know what you're talking about," Sirius said airily.

"Course you don't," Fred replied, but arched his eyebrow and winked before joining George, Angelina, and Katie as they abused the poor young lady who was on the stage, trying to sing.

Hermione stayed over at the bar and Sirius couldn't help how her hips swayed slightly in his direction as she leaned into the wood, her back arched slightly and her hair tumbling over her shoulders. She knew he had a perfect sightline of her body from where he sat and it didn't escape his realm of possibility that she might have been doing it on purpose.

"Thank you, Janet, for that rousing version of _Like a Virgin_," the plump witch said kindly to the terrified young woman who had just stepped off the platform. "Next is Hermione! Come on up, love."

Hermione smiled at the enthusiastic applause and whistles from Fred, George, Katie, and Angelina, though Sirius again noticed that there were more eyes on her as she stepped up to the microphone than had been before.

The smooth beat of a jazz bass streamed through the speakers as Hermione lifted the microphone to her lips.

"_Never know how much I love you_

_Never know how much I care._

_When you put your arms around me_

_I get a fever that's so hard to bear._

_You give me fever_

_When you kiss me,_

_Fever when you hold me tight._

_Fever_

_In the morning,_

_Fever all through the night._"

Sirius felt his jeans instantly tighten when the first notes of the song left her lips. She had a sexy, sultry pitch and Fred and George hadn't been joking when they said she could sing. But it was her eyes that made him groan inwardly. They flashed in his direction as the words poured huskily from her full, pink, parted lips.

"_Sun lights up the daytime_

_Moon lights up the night._

_I light up when you call my name_

_And you know I'm gonna treat you right._

_You give me fever_

_When you kiss me,_

_Fever when you hold me tight._

_Fever_

_In the morning,_

_Fever all through the night._

_Everybody's got the fever._

_That is something you all know._

_Fever isn't such a new thing,_

_Fever started long ago._"

She stepped off the platform with the microphone and weaved through the tables as awestruck patrons watched her. Going up to a balding, potbellied man sitting by himself just next to the stage, she smiled seductively at him.

"_Romeo loved Juliet._

_Juliet she felt the same._

_When he put his arms around her,_

_He said "Julie, baby, you're my flame._

_Thou givest fever._

_When we kisseth,_

_Fever with thy flamin' youth._

_Fever! I'm afire,_

_Fever, yea, I burn forsooth._"

She sang this verse to the man, kissing him on his forehead and leaving a perfect pink lipstick outline as cat calls and whistles followed. She smirked, walking over to a table of men that were seated close enough to Sirius for him to almost reach out to touch her but not close enough for him to succeed. He watched her wordlessly as she seduced them all with her words and her eyes.

"_Captain Smith and Pocahontas_

_Had a very mad affair._

_When her daddy tried to kill him,_

_She said "Daddy, oh don't you dare._

_He gives me fever_

_With his kisses,_

_Fever when he holds me tight._

_Fever! I'm his missus._

_Oh Daddy won't you treat him right._"

She blew them all kisses before glancing at Sirius, taking in his hungry gaze and smirking. Then she turned away and swayed to the beat towards the bartender, who had her locked in his undivided attention.

"_Now you've listened to my story._

_Here's the point that I have made._

_Chicks were born to give you fever_

_Be it Fahrenheit or Centigrade._

_They give you fever._

_When you kiss them_

_Fever if you live you learn_

_Fever_

'_Til you sizzle._

_What a lovely way to burn._

_What a lovely way to burn._

_What a lovely way to burn._

_What a lovely way to burn._"

The music slowed to a lazy stop and she leaned over, kissing the bartender lightly on the lips before turning, slightly flushed, to fervent applause and whistles. Smirking again as she saw the rage flicker in Sirius's eyes, she walked over to the DJ, who seemed quite taken aback by her performance, and put the microphone back on the stand.

She didn't make it back to the table as Sirius stood, causing his chair to nearly topple over with the force, and sidestepped her. He grabbed her arm and led her to the door of the pub, pulling her out into the now-empty front entrance. He said nothing as they rounded the corner into the shadows and he pushed her roughly against the wall.

"Sirius," she breathed, obviously surprised by his actions. "What are you doing?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago," he growled before claiming her lips with his in a deep, bruising, intense kiss.

He pinned her body with his so she was very aware of what her performance, and indeed what her mere presence that evening, had been doing to his body. She was soft under his hard muscles, her skin buttery smooth as he skimmed his fingers under the hem of her tank top and over her flat stomach.

She gasped.

"Sirius…" she said, trying to push him away. "We can't."

"Why not?" he demanded. "What was the point of that performance if not to drive me absolutely insane?"

"It's a bad idea," she whispered, though she was not fighting him as his lips descended upon her neck. "We'll only make things worse. You…your girlfriends…our friends…we can't."

He pulled away from her neck, his body still pressed against hers as he looked into her eyes.

"Tell me you don't want me," he whispered, searching her eyes for the answer. "Tell me the idea of me fucking you against this wall doesn't make you wet with desire."

"I…it…we can't," she repeated, but the lust in her eyes was unmistakable and as he trailed his hand up her leg to her center, he could feel just how wet she was.

"You're wet, Granger," he muttered against her skin as his lips grazed her jaw. "Are you sure that's not for me? Are you sure you don't want my big, hard cock slamming into you?"

She gave a throaty laugh.

"A bit self-important, don't you think? I've heard some stories, Sirius. I don't think you're really as good as you think you are."

"Care to find out?" he asked, thrusting his hips against hers and making her groan as his denim-clad erection came in contact with her soaking panties.

"I don't know. You know I hate to be disappointed," she replied.

"How about this," he murmured, nipping her ear as he trailed down her neck again. "If I'm disappointing, we forget this ever happened and go back to being friends. If I make you cum," He slid his tongue down to the valley of her breasts. "You give me free reign to do whatever I want to your body for one whole night."

"And who says I'll want another night with you even if you do make me cum?" she challenged.

"Hermione," he said with a cocky smirk. "I'm Sirius Black." And before she had a chance to answer, his lips had crushed hers again.

She responded by grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling him closer to her, dueling her own hot tongue with his in a battle for control. Her other hand slid up his t-shirt, caressing his toned muscles and grazing over his nipples, causing him to groan slightly against her lips. She nibbled at his bottom lip as she pulled away to look at him.

"Fuck me senseless, Sirius Black," she said, her eyes hooded with lust. "And don't you _dare_ disappoint me."

He growled, running his hands under her shirt and pushing it up so her breasts were exposed to the cold night. Her body gave a little shiver and he lifted her easily into his arms as she wrapped her legs around him. He lowered his head and gently kissed the full flesh before taking a nipple roughly in his mouth, circling his tongue around the tight nub and sucking hard, causing her to arch her back with a moan.

He repeated the action with her other breast, letting his hands run up and down her sides before gripping her thighs and running his hands under that damn jean skirt that had been teasing him all night. He found the edge of her panties and she gave a squeal against his lips as he tore them, allowing him to remove them unhindered.

"You owe me a new pair of underwear," she murmured in his ear as he kissed down her neck.

"I'll buy you a whole fucking lingerie store," he growled, stuffing the underwear in his pocket.

"Kinky…" she breathed, letting her hands fall from around his neck to his hips, caressing the bulge of the underwear in his pocket before moving toward the front, unbuckling his belt deftly. He let out a gasp as she unbuttoned and unzipped his fly before snaking her hand in and taking hold of his cock.

He tensed. He knew that if she continued to tease him, he wouldn't be able to last long and dear _God_ did he want to be buried within her. Removing her hand, he let his slide up her leg and graze over her slick folds, loving how she moaned as he slid his finger over her clit before burying it within her.

He almost came as he realized how tight she was going to be.

"You're so wet, baby," he said. "You ready for me?"

"Shut up and fuck me," she demanded and he chuckled, taking hold of his length and guiding it to her entrance. He teased her, sliding the tip up and down the wet folds, thrusting in a little before pulling away, making her writhe with impatience before thrusting deeply and burying himself within her.

They both exhaled loudly.

Sirius let his head fall to her shoulder as he tried to steady himself. He had been prepared for her tight body but the feeling of her gripping him so completely made his stomach lurch as pleasure shot up and down his spine. He had never felt this way before when entering a woman. He felt like Hermione's small, supple body was made just for him.

"Sirius…please…" she moaned, and it was a softer, more imploring request than before. From the goose bumps that scattered across her responsive body, Sirius knew that he wasn't the only one caught off-guard by how _right_ their coupling felt.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius started to thrust his hips and he groaned as she ran her hands up his t-shirt and dragged her fingernails down his muscular back. She was curled into his body, her breath hot on his neck as he pressed himself deeply into her. He felt her breath hitch as he hit her g-spot.

"God…right there…" she breathed, nipping his earlobe as she started to roll her hips against his.

He growled. Passion the likes of which he had never felt coursed through his veins as he bent his knees and started to thrust deeply within the quietly moaning witch. His body throbbed with the thought that _he_ was the one causing her the pleasure she was feeling. He, Sirius Black, mischief-maker, Marauder, Don Juan extraordinaire, was making Hermione Granger moan.

She clung to him as he bent his head to her neck, inhaling the dark scent of her perfume as his hips thrust themselves within her hot, writhing body. He could feel her teeth grazing his earlobe as she nuzzled her face against the sexy stubble that grew on his chin. Her eyes were closed, her full lips slightly parted as a tiny, almost inaudible cry of ecstasy escaped her lips.

"I'm so close, Sirius…please…" she whimpered, her nails cutting into his shoulders beneath his t-shirt. He wrapped his arm firmly around her waist, hoisting her leg higher onto his hips with his other. Taking a deep breath to will his own self-control into place, he quickened his pace as he thrust as hard and as deep as he could.

She purred.

He didn't know what did it for him in the end, as he found himself lost in a fog for the last couple seconds of their frenzied coupling. All he knew was that once she purred, her inner walls tightened quickly around him and he felt thoroughly sucked into her body as she came hard, her nails running the length of his back as she bit down into his shoulder.

He knew nothing but his own pleasure after that.

He vaguely remembered groaning her name into her hair, his hips jerking spasmodically as his seed spilled within her. He felt like he had been holding in a breath and the moment he came, he allowed his lungs the cool, fresh air they had been lacking. His body shook and he knew it had nothing to do with the cold that seemed to wrap itself around them, reminding them that they were outside, up against the wall of a village pub. He trembled because he knew that he had found a woman who could truly drive him crazy.

"Sirius," she whispered and he opened his eyes to see her gazing at him. He wasn't sure whether he would call her look adoring, but it definitely wasn't the look of mild disapproval she usually wore when he was in her presence.

"Yes, love?" he said, cautiously allowing himself the endearment.

"I think perhaps we should consider removing ourselves from this potentially embarrassing situation," she said and he had to marvel at how her brain could function so quickly after such an amazing tryst.

Reluctantly he pulled his body away from hers and they silently straightened themselves up. Feeling the bulge in his jean pocket, he reached for it but she stopped his hand, looking at him playfully.

"Keep them. Give you a nice souvenir of the event."

He grinned in spite of himself.

"Oh no, kitten. We had a deal, remember? I make you cum and I get a night where I can do all manner of sordid things to your body without question."

She arched an eyebrow.

"Do you know for certain you made me cum?"

A smile played on his lips.

"Yes."

She sighed, tossing her hair back.

"Well, I'll admit to it, as I'm not that good of an actress and you know it." He smirked and she continued. "But as for our 'deal'…" She trailed off and he saw a twinkle in her hazel eyes.

"I never agreed to anything, did I?"

He stood, gob-smacked, as she straightened that damn skirt again before looking back up at him mischievously.

"Tell the twins that I'll get my jacket from their place later. I don't think I'll need it." She smirked at his speechlessness before blowing him a kiss. "Good night, Sirius Black," she said before disapparating in front of him.


End file.
